yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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