I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My feet surprised me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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