I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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