No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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