Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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