the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize