i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
