I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will pee on everything he values.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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