You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
