I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
now i know why i became what i already was.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
