He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
