Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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