So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
