If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
