they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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