shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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