I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
