Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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