hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
