I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
