My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
