Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
