i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
