bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
