Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
