Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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