you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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