i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
