seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
