I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
