i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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