all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
