I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i've created a new STD.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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