Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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