Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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