Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
