I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
