Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
