I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
