I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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