i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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