This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
two words: eviction party
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
