i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
