i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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