hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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