I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
