I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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