If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
