I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
