She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
