You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
