I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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