well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
