i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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