I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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