I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
