Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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