The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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