Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
