Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.