maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry about my life...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
