you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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