This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
