In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
