I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
