I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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