just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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