Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just google imaged poop.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
