and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
